Best advice I've ever received & my advice to self.

So, I am sitting here at 6:45 in the morning, two days out, and as you can imagine…everything is going through my head. As my brother Ryan put it in a lovely card he and his family gave me to say good-bye, it’s bittersweet. We’re all so excited for the journey ahead, yet sad to go. But the sadness will change. It always does.

What words are going to come to me in times of hardship, crisis, uncertainty, fear, self doubt, confusion, anxiety, excitement…? I want to remind myself of some important advice I’ve received so I can look back on it during these times.

I asked my best friend –soulmate, Alison, who’s also serving her country with the Peace Corps in Ukraine, what the best lessons and advice we taught each other.  She is the reason I chose the Peace Corps, because she always reiterated to think big, think BIGGER. To get out of my comfort zone. To get out and explore. She’s the one who planted the Peace Corps seed into my head. She showed me what real friendship feels like. (Along with friends who have picked me up when my car broke down in Topeka, who show endless support, who I can laugh at myself with.) Alison also taught me humility, as her favorite line to me (jokingly, bien sur) is “Dude, you’re a friggin’ idiot.” Hahaha. Humility is good.

Lesson from Alison, PCV in Ukraine and my bff

So, today I want to remind myself of the greatest advice or inspiration I've received. Because I know there will be times when I feel like throwing in the towel, but I remember that it will change. Or times when I cry and remember the beauty of my tears. So, I want to remind myself the best advice I've ever received...so here goes...

Remember the basics.

Aincca. This will change.

Only time will tell. Be patient.

Be patient with yourself.

Laugh at yourself. The importance of a sense of humor.

Universal law: Change…life is a constant flow of impersonal change. And to know this we have to directly experience it.

Remember why you’re doing this…it’s not about you. It’s about something bigger.

we can only change ourselves. begin within.

Love thyself.

Don’t panic.

Fake it til you can make it.

You’re never given more than you can handle.

Everything happens for  a reason.

People come into and out of our lives for a reason. Pay attention to that.

My answer: Peace Corps 

Discipline.

Our thoughts have consequences. Our mental state manifests itself in the physical world. Our moods, thoughts, attitudes are contagious.

Remember the small things – thank you cards, saying “hello,” opening the door.

You get what you give.

It’s not personal.

Aversion and craving are the roots of all misery. Remain equanimous.

We are one. The actions and thoughts of one, affect us all.

But we simply cannot have peace in the world, without mutual respect.

Our lives begin to end the day we stop caring about what matters.

Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful and committed people can change the world, indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.

Keep up with your contacts. Don’t ever burn a bridge.

We are the company we keep. Surround yourself with the people you want to be.

Women hold up half the sky. When some of us aren’t free, all of us can’t be free.

Love and compassion. Seek first to be compassionate and understanding.

It’s all a learning experience. Learn from this.

Put yourself in another’s shoes.

The importance of seeing everything from as many perspectives possible.

Communicate. Really communicate.

Lose your dreams and you will lose your mind. (Rolling Stones throwback, I had to)

You can’t always get what you want, but if you try, you get what you need.

Find things to collect.

Ask questions. Immerse yourself. Participate. Get out there.

Get out of the house.

Remember your roots. You are where you are because of them.

Vulnerability is a beautiful thing. The beauty in suffering.

This book taught me the strength in vulnerability. One of the best books I've ever read. Ever.

Go through your process.

The power of a random, “No.”

You can do anything.

Impossible is nothing.

Life is constant recycling. We recycle the skills, mottos, behavior from the past.

Failure is a good thing when we learn from it.

Imagine.

Yes we can.

Be the change you want to see in the world.

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As I think of this advice others have given me, or just advice that’s inspirational…I also think of the advice I have for myself.

When I ever question whether or not I can handle something, I think of my college newspaper’s (where I dedicated my life for three years) motto…that you’re not a real addie (Kansan ad staff) until you’ve had  a mental breakdown.

Now, this advice may seem crazy, but t's itrue. And I had a few mental breakdowns in the office after working two full time jobs at once, full time school, and the enormous stress and pressure of meeting goals that are sometimes hard to control…but the lesson is important because it reminds me of the tireless, RELENTLESS hard work, for something I really believe in. And the outcome of our hard work, knowing we did everything we could. That experience had a lot to do with working toward something you really believe in, work ethic, but especially, getting what you give.

The University Daily Kansan when KU won the ntl championship. We were named "Best College Newspaper in the Nation"and "Best Student Advertising Staff" two years of my three on staff. 

It wasn’t about mental breakdowns, or getting to that point. It was about so fully immersing yourself in something you love. And soaking it up. Learning from it and getting so much back after working so hard for something.

I think of The Kansan’s 80 hour workweeks (while being a full time college student), the 110 hour workweeks on the congressional campaign, and the 10 day silent Vipassana meditation course I took, of past loves and losses, and know, KNOW that I can handle anything.

I think of the brick feeling during my Vipassana course. For some context, I did a 10 day silent meditation course in December 2010. During this time, we meditated 10 hours per day, for 10 days, in complete silence and free from all distractions such as books, TV, cell phones, Internet, talking. And you’re taught after Day 4, to remain equanimous and objective when experiencing pleasant sensations, as well as uncomfortable, gross sensations. On Day 6, I was getting into my own head. It was manifesting on my body…my shoulders and neck turned into what felt like heavy, heav bricks…weight…so heavy it was pushing down and really painful. So uncomfortable and frustrating.

Vipassana is a non-religious, non-sectarian form of mediation taught by SN Goenka. Vipassana teaches the art of living.

I asked the teacher, Gair, (you could only talk if you had a question or problem, for which the teacher could answer) what to do. Why this was happening and how I change it. She said to me very simply…

This will change.

Focus on your breath. Remain equanimous. Don’t react. It will change eventually.

And the next morning, it did.

I think about the trouble I had cold-calling when I worked at the Business Journal. I hated cold-calling and I wasn’t good at it. I wanted to change the way I felt about this particular task, and I cared deeply about doing a good job and making an impact while I was there. Never one to be pessimistic, I knew I needed an attitude change. So every day, I listened to “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People,” on my way to work, on my way home from work. Hell, sometimes during my sleep. And I drilled its lessons into my head. 

The number one habit – is be proactive, not reactive. And also, that highly ineffective people victimize themselves and make excuses. I was doing that!! It was like a slap in the face every time he talked about the habits of highly INEFFECTIVE people, and I was doing some of those habits!! And it changed my attitude around…I focused more on the point of it all: Learning. And realized the power of a good attitude. It ended up being a really wonderful, cherished experience and I overcame a lot of self-defeating habits.

It was up to me to turn it around. I did.

I think about sitting in my Explorer in front of my old apartment on Indiana street. I was crying so hard, wailing, snot running down my face, face puffy, eyes, shirt, face soaked with tears. The kind of crying where your body is shaking and the sound is piercing. I was broken-hearted.

I called my sister and asked her for advice. She told me to see the beauty in my pain. To go through my process. That we all have our processes, and I needed to go though mine. That it wasn’t personal. And I wasn’t given more than I could handle. I didn’t understand it then, but I do now – that craving and aversion were the roots of all suffering and misery, and I was making myself miserable. I could change it. And this experience taught me so much – be patient with yourself. I experienced the beauty of vulnerability. Humility. Love.

It was also this particular experience that made me see the bigger picture. Life to me was no longer about being successful or excelling at something. It was about what I could do to be a good role model and make an impact. Because I had missed that point for too long. I needed to know. I needed to understand the forces at play, that led me to that relationship. All the societal expectations, social norms, everything I had been told and taught about my gender. I needed to understand them and know why I chose that relationship. And this need to know led me to the next chapter in my life – serving others. I didn’t want another person to feel the way I felt. To go through what I had overcome. To cry like that. 

And it was the step that led me to Big Brother Big Sisters, and eventually the women’s shelter. It led me to some really amazing college courses that changed my life, and my eventual decision to turn down the job offers to The Seattle Times, and Gannett, for the Peace Corps.

I think about November 3, 2010. I don’t know if this was a significant day for you, but it was for me. I woke up and realized it was all real. We had just lost, and we lost bad. This was the day after Election day. The congressional campaign I worked for…worked 110 hours per week, had given up my personal and social life, family life, everything for…we had just lost by at least 20 points. And when I woke up the next day, that realization hit me like a karate chop to the face. But I would never, never, trade that experience for anything. I learned so much on the campaign…not just about press, communication, or the political dynamics in Kansas…but most importantly, about “failure,” grassroots efforts, working toward what I believe in, affecting change, learning, why politics matter, and that timing is everything.

So, this is a long posts, but good to remember. Good to remember my roots and how perceived “failure” is opportunity in disguise.

What’s the best advice you’ve ever received, and why? What advice do you have, two days out?